Boost your Power of Self-Acceptance

Make peace with your shadow

No one is all good and equipped only with praiseworthy qualities. Everyone has a shadow side. We may be able to hide it from some people. But it tends to be more visible in close relationships, families and situations where social inhibitions are reduced.

Most of us have observed less-than-perfect attributes and behaviours in others or ourselves: nasty, unfriendly, selfish, uncaring, unreliable, needy, manipulative, envious, cheating and lying, mean, greedy, crass, etc. But acknowledgement of our ‘shadow’ can be a bit lukewarm, where we brush it off or avoid looking at it closely. It’s also an easy way out to blame someone or something else instead of taking responsibility for one’s own part if things go downhill.

But even if it is very uncomfortable to face the truth about ourselves, it is important to be honest and acknowledge our failings — even if it is only to ourselves. Unless we accept our darker side we only accept half of who we are.

Practise self-compassion

Don’t despair or hate yourself if you can’t rectify what went wrong due to your choices or actions. Remind yourself that you are not the only one who is sometimes inadequate but that others have failings as well. Treat yourself as you would with a person close to your heart who was in your situation.

Think about the experience with openness and clarity. Make sure your thoughts are rational and not blowing the event out of proportion. Take care how you deal with your emotions so embarrassment, guilt, regret, self-recrimination don’t overcome you. It may well be that you tried to do your best but it all went wrong. You deserve the same kindness and compassion as other people. Be gentle and understanding with yourself, perhaps even do a little self-calming ritual.

Put your hand on your heart or hug yourself. Steady your breathing. Kindly say the following mantra to yourself: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I accept myself just as I am. If you can’t relate to this one, make up your own mantra.

Dare to live with self-love

Consider two very different kinds of self-love. One is narcissistic, self-absorbed and conceited, filled with false pride, arrogance and vanity, driven by competition and a desire for fame and popularity.

The other kind of self-love is definitely not egotistical. It does not involve following the herd and compromising your values. It allows you to live with a compassionate mindset and nurturing attitude towards yourself. It knows the importance of self-care and respect for your own time, energy, financial means and health.

With that kind of self-love you know you are entitled to set boundaries and not let others treat you badly or take advantage of you. There is no need to prove yourself or pretend to be someone you are not. True self-love is spiritual, acknowledging your intrinsic worth as a unique spark on this earth at this time. After all you are just part of a pretty flawed humanity!

Steps to boost your self-acceptance

• Don’t shy away from acknowledging your mistakes and inadequacies.
• Accept that you do not have to be perfect and forgive yourself when you have tripped up.
• Just as inventors learn from their failed experiments, assess where you tripped up, the reasons for it, decide what you are going to do about it and take action.
• Appreciate who you are — warts and all — and what you have to offer the world. It might be different and seem less important or valuable than the contribution of others, but there is no hierarchy of worthiness. Aiming to do the best with what you have got will help you feel okay about who you are.

One last thing …

If you liked this article, click the 💚 below to help others find it and share the information.

Call to action:

If you have any other tips for accepting yourself even when you are not your best, leave a comment for others to benefit from your wisdom!

Originally published at www.christianastar.com on July 4, 2017